finantial stress

With all that is going on in the world, I am stressed out about my financial situation. I have always been good at "getting by" and making ends meet. I really want more than that thought. I want to feel like I am planning for the future, and have a plan. I don't and that has me worried.

What the right answer is for my situation I don't know. I do know that its time to make a change, and that I should prolly make a list and come up with some ideas. I just don't know right now.

late morning...

Fair warning. I have a lot to say in this post, not sure if I will get it all out but here goes..

Today started out rough... I forgot to plug in my phone, so my alarm did not go off, and when I woke up at 6:03 it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. the really odd part is I i can't even tell you what it was or why I was feeling that way. Extreme stress is the best way to put it. I could barely get out of bed to use the rest room. I came back to bed, layed down and couldn't move. I hurt all over, felt totally stressed out.

I convinced myself that it was all in my head and I needed to get up and use mind over matter, I needed to conquer this. I got up, and nearly fell back down again. refusing to let this control me, I sent a message to my friend eric from work, asking if he wanted to have breakfast, figuring if I had a goal I would not have a choice but to get up and do something. he of course responded yes (thank goodness) and I had my goal.

I got dressed, walked into the back yard to find the pool Crystal clear.. that made me happy as I have been having issues with the vacuum. I walked back into the house, closed up the blinds and extra doors in the house. walked into the living room saw my paperwork for my ticket that I got on the table and remembered that last night I had taken care of getting school scheduled, this also helped lift a little of the pressure. i put on my shoes, grabbed my i-pod, phone and keys and headed outside. I checked on my drip watering system and found a leak, fixed it and then headed off to work.

As I drove I started to feel a little better, very drained but a little better. I got to the breakfast spot and eric suggested we try a new place, which we did. it was not to far from where we normally had breakfast.. but it was cheaper and MUCH better. I steered clear of caffanated soda hoping to not aggervate the stress anymore, I told eric that I was feeling strung out, and I think that is the best term to describe it.

I am now at work and seriously considering going somewhere away from here to kinda unplug. still work.. just away from the normal stuff..

I really think alot of this has to do with what I wrote about last night.. both entries...