things I cannot change

I know what makes me comfortable
And I know what makes me tick
And I when I need to get my way
I know how to pour it on thick
Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day, and pray to God
I won’t make the same mistakes

All the rest is out of my hands
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Yeah I don’t know my father
Or my mother well enough
It seems like every time we talk
We can’t get passed the little stuff
The pain is self-inflicted
I know it’s not good for my health
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
But it’s easier to please the world
Then it is to please myself

All the rest is out of my hands
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Well I know I can’t care about how everyone else really feels
I have enough hurt of my own to heal

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

cold case song

watching cold case while am on the couch feeling like I am dieing... and I hear this song at the end of the eppisode. thought I would put it down here.


Baby you're all that I want.
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe We're in heaven.

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart.
It isn't too hard to see We're in heaven.

Now, nothing could change what you mean to me.
There's a lot that I could say But just hold me now,
Cause our love will light the way.

Baby you're all that I want.
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe We're in heaven.
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart.
It isn't too hard to see We're in heaven.

Now our dreams are coming true.
Through the good times and the bad
I'll be standing there by you.

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart.
It isn't too hard to see We're in heaven.

WOW daghtry "what about now"

wasn't really ready for this this morning...

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,

morning thoughts

I woke up this morning with a really upset stomach, I spent some time trying to get back to sleep, then I decided to turn on some music which I had done in the last several days. I think it was because I didn't want any chance of being reminded of all the stuff I didn't want to think about anymore. I normally would turn on music and then go to sleep, and the last couple days I have just felt that I couldn't.

Well I turned it on, and the following song was the first to play, I have written about it in these pages before, but right now. I had to post it again. Its rare that I find a song that has a positive message, and one that seems to apply to the feelings that I have right now.


I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good


It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

early morning song

laying in bed listenging to music and I heard this and it really made me think...

"cause getting your dreams its strange but it seems a little... well complicated... theres a kinda a sorta of cost, theres a couple of things get lost... there are bridges you cross you didn't know you cross untill you cross. and if that joy that thrill doesn't thrill like you think it will, still with this perfect finally the cheers and the ballyhoo who wouldn't be happier, so I couldn't be happier, because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true.... well isn't it...... happy is what happens when your dreams come true..."

just somthing I wanted to put in here so that I can remember, that once again, sometimes getting what you want isn't always what you need, even if you believe with all your heart that it is.

...

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

thoughts at work

Ya I know I should not still be here, but was listing to some music, ya I know its not a good idea in my state of mind... but this song came on, and I wanted to just put it in here.... Song makes me cry EVERY TIME.....




Every Other Friday
It's toys and clothes and backpacks
Is everybody in?
Ok lets go see dad
Same time in the same spot
Corner of the same old parking lot
Half the hugs and kisses
There are always sad
We trade a couple words and looks and kids again
Every Other Weekend

Every Other Weekend
Very few exceptions
I pick up the love we made in both my arms
It's movies on the sofa
Grilled cheese and cut the crust off
"But that's not the way mom makes it daddy" breaks my heart
I miss everything I use to have with her again
Every Other Weekend

But I can't tell her I love her

I can't tell him I love him

Cause there's too many questions and

Ears in the car

So I don't tell him I miss him

I don't tell her I need her

He's over me, that's where we are

So we're as close as we might ever be again

Every Other Weekend

Every Other Saturday
First thing in the mornin'
I turn the TV on to make the quiet go away
I know why, but I don't know why
We ever let this happen
Fallin' for forever was a big mistake
There's so much not to do, and all day not to do it in
Every Other Weekend

Every Other Sunday
I empty out my backseat
While my children hug their mother in the parking lot
We don't touch
We don't talk much
Maybe goodbye to each other
Then she drives away with every piece of heart I've got
I reconvince myself we did the right thing
Every Other Weekend

So I can't tell her I love her

I can't tell him I love him

Cause there's too many questions and

Ears in the car

So I don't tell him I miss him

I don't tell her I need her

He's over me, that's where we are

So we're as close as we might ever be again

Every Other Weekend

Yeah for fifteen minutes we're a family again

God I wish that he was still with me again

Every Other Weekend

As I pulled into work fromt he gym , I heard this song. I sat and listened, cried and came back into work, had not heard it before today.

linkin park
leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

No More Sad Songs

Random song that made me cry.

This is the way, That i state my independence, That i'm no longer connected to your memory. This is the day that i'm making my defection, that I claim back the affection that you stole from me. I used to hear your music so loud But its so low.
You're just another face in the crowd, I'm letting you know.

[Chorus:]
No more sad songs, I'm letting you go now, Switched off switched on, I'm letting you know, you turned out the light. I'm
gonna be alright when I... turn the radio off. No more sad songs.

These are the words to descibe all your offences. You said love in the past tense and then you let it go. Haven't you heard, Your are no longer respected, you are formally rejected from the one you hurt. I used to have the longing to hear
what was in your heart, But now it seems i'm over the fear of this falling apart.

[Chorus]

No more sad songs. I used to have the longing to hear what was in your heart, but now it seems i'm over the fear of this
falling apart.

No more sad songs, I'm letting it go now, Switched off switched on, I'm letting you know. No more sad songs, I'm letting it
go now, Switched off switched on, I'm letting you know. you turned out the light. I'm gonna be alright without... Turn your
radio off. No more sad songs. No more sad songs.
No more sad song, No more sad songs.

song during my workout.

Well I was movin at the speed of sound
Head spinnin couldn't find my way around, and
Didn't know that I was goin' down Yeahh, Yeahh
Where I been, well its all a blurr
What I was lookin' for, I'm not sure
Too late and didn't see it coming Yeahh,
Yeahh

Then I crashed into you
and I went up in flames
Could've been the death of me
But then you breathed your breath in me
Then I crashed into you
like a runaway train
You will consume me
But, I can't walk away

Some how I couldn't stop myself
Just wanted to know how it felt
Too strong I couldn't hold on Yeahh, Yeahh
Now I'm just tryin to make some sense
Out of how and why this happened
Where were headed, there's just no knowin Yeahh, Yeahh

And then I crashed into you
and I went up in flames
Could've been the death of me
But then you breathed your breath in me
Then I crashed into you
like a runaway train
You will consume me
But, I can't walk away

From your face, your eyes
are burning into me
You saved me, you gave me
Just what I need
ohh, just what I need

And then I crashed into you
and I went up in flames
Could've been the death of me
But then you breathed your breath in me
Then I crashed into you
like a runaway train
You will consume me
But, I can't walk away

Then I crashed into you (x5)
Like a runaway train
You will consume me
But I can't walk away






I cried, composed myself and went out and worked out till I was totally broke down, mentally and phisically. I feel better now

Powerfull song

just sitting here working, and this song came onto my i-pod. I thought about it, listened again, looked up the words, cried and though. "I should post this for later."


Because of you Kelly Clarkson and Reba

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

saind please

can't you see that I'm sick of this
chances are you are oblivious
to how I feel sitting on your throne
and I'm sure that I'm not alone,
not alone, not alone.

Tell me please,
who the fuck did you want me to be?
Was there something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political and please
I'm still wearing this miserable skin
and its starting to come from within
but it's obvious that doesn't bother you, so please

I didn't think that you'd sell me out
now I know what you're all about.
You might feel in control of things.
But you're not holding all the strings.
All the strings, all the strings.

Swallow all your anger
I've swallowed all my pride
you used up all your chances
to keep this all inside
tell me please.

So please don't be telling me that its ok
I don't buy all the shit that you say
and quite honestly I'm fucking
sick of it so please if I cut off this nose from my face then
I wouldn't feel so out of place but it still
wouldn't be quite enough for you, so please.

Another Beautiful Day

When you were just a child of eight

You were taught you were not to deviate

Only one way to heaven but half a million ways to fall

Well we can alienate the strange and the odd

As long as we're one nation under God

He might love me but you're his favorite of all

And it's another beautiful day

It's another beautiful day

It's another beautiful day In the land of the free

We can hate the Jews and the blacks and the fags

As long as we pray and salute the flag

And fall on our knees to a Jesus who looks just like you.

And it's another beautiful day

It's another beautiful day

It's another beautiful day In the land of the free

They blessed your soul and told you to travel

Dressed in polyester for a God made to grovel

Your a man on a mission I wish you could save

yourself

And it's another beautiful day

It's another beautiful day

It's another beautiful day In the land of the free

When you come back down

Heard this on random while at work, thought I would post it.

You gotta leave me now
You gotta go alone
You gotta chase a dream
One that’s all your own
Before it slips away

When you’re flying high
Take my heart along
I'll be the harmony
To every lonely song
That you learn to play.

When you’re soarin through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every change you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

I’ll keep look up
Awaiting your return
My greatest fear will be
That you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire

I’ll be the other hand
That always holds the line
Connecting in-between
Your sweet heart and mine

I'm be strung out on that wire
And I'll be on the other end
To hear you when you call
Angle you were born to fly
And if you get to high
I catch you when you fall
Catch you when you fall

Your memories
The sun shine
Every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel let me help you with your wings

When you’re sorin through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down

Take every chance you dare
I’ll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

One last breath

Please come now I think I’m falling

I’m holding on to all I think is safe

It seems I found the road to nowhere

And I’m trying to escape

I yelled back when I heard thunder

but I’m down to one last breath

And with it let me say

Let me say

Hold me now

I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking

That maybe six feet

Ain’t so far down

I’m looking down now that it’s over

Reflecting on all of my mistakes

I thought I found the road to somewhere

Somewhere in His grace

I cried out heaven save me

But I’m down to one last breath

And with it let me say

Let me say

Hold me now

I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking

That maybe six feet

Ain’t so far down

i'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me

But I still believe there’s something left for me

So please come stay with me

‘Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me

For you and me

For you and me

Hold me now

I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking

Reflecting on all of my mistakes

I thought I found the road to somewhere

Somewhere in His grace

I cried out heaven save me

But I’m down to one last breath

And with it let me say

Let me say

Hold me now

I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking

That maybe six feet

Ain’t so far down

Chills...

Its not often that somthing happens that stops me in my tracks. enough to say. WOW, that was intense. I heard a song today, one I had heard before and never really heard... a friend sent me a link to a tiesto song, was a really good song after I listened, I was browsing through other videos and I ran across this song.

"DJ Tiesto - just be" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvKbGQRrWCM

I was lost and I'm still lost, but I feel so much better...

You travel the world but you can't run away from the person you are in your heart.
be who you want to be, make us believe in you, keep all your light in the dark. Your searching for truth, you must look in the mirror and make sence of what you can see... just be.... just be....

They say learning to love yourself is the first step that you take when you want to be real...
flying on planes to exotic locations won't teach you how you really feel. face up to the fact that you are who you are, nothing will change but belief.. just be... just be..

cause now I know its not so far to where I to where I go the light is there, its inside me... in need to... just be..... to just be...

I need to put this into my music rotation. WOW...

Home, alone

been a little while since I posted here, home alone. Watching Spiderman 2. heard a song that I wanted to write it down, seemed to fit.



"you tried so hard to be someone, that you forgot who you are. you tried to fill some emptieness till all you had spilled over. now everythings so far away that you don't know where you are. all that you wanted, and all that you had, don't seem to much, for you to hold on to. "

lyrics

thought I would post the lyrics to the song I mentioned in my last post..

Kate Monster:
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

random song/thoughts

Words selected from a song I heard today, that just seem to fit all the emotions I am having today.

"I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason... bringing something we must learn and we are lead to those who help us most to grow... if we let them, and we help them in return...

Well I don't know if I believe that’s true... but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you..

like a commit pulled from orbit as it passes a sun, like a stream that meets a bolder half way through the wood... Who can say, if I've been changed for the better. Because I knew you... I have been changed for good.....

It well may be, that we will never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part. So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You’ll be with me like a hand print on my heart. and now whatever way our stories end, you know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.

Like a ship bone from its mooring by a wind off the sea. like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood, who can say if I’ve been changed for the better... because I knew you... I have been changed for good...

and just to clear the air... I ask forgiveness for the things I’ve done you blame me for... but then I guess we know there’s blame to share.... and none of it seems to matter anymore........... Who can say if I've been changed for the better...... I believe I’ve been changed for the better... and because I knew you..... I have been changed for good"

Ya I think that sums it up... nothing really more to say than that.