A time and place for everything

I have thought for a long time that there is a place for everything and everyone in this world, I have also believed that things happen for a reason when they do happen. The unfortunate part of this is that we do not always have much say in what place we have in the world, or the timing of things that happen. Of course there is some control, but on several levels we don't get to choose our place in the world, or what purpose we serve. I do believe that everyone does serve a purpose in the world, and each time someone denies that the whole world suffers just a little bit. The reason I started down this line of thinking is due to the fact that I have been doing alot of thinking about what it is that is my purpose in the world, and how I could better support that purpose.

What I have come up with so far is that my purpose is to make the lives of those people who enter my a little bit better when they need it most. When there seems to be nothing positive in their lives, it is my ability and duty to step in and offer a ray of hope, it may be very small, it may be something unnoticeable. but just enough for for those people to know they are not alone, that at least one person cares about their thoughts and ideas, about the things that they care about most. Lately, I think that I may have not been as on my game as I have been in the past, but I am working very hard to get back to where I can be proud of this.

when I started writing this, i thought that I would get into the how's and the why's that I think this happens, and also the down sides for me as a person. now after thinking about it, I think that I should leave it at this, a positive message to remind myself that I do have a purpose, and my place in the world. That the people in my life may actually get much more out of it than I give it credit for.

Its so hard for me to write things like this. It reminds me that I am often a fool, trusting where I should not, giving where I should not. but firmly believeing that someday... someday it will all be much more clear. All the dots will be connected and I will be able to see the whole picture.

I can hope, and noone can take that away from me except me...
-D

Things happen for a reason

Yesterday was bad, in fact, I put wrote the lyrics of a song that played as I laid down last night in a blog message. ya... yesterday was bad. I have had so many random thoughts lately. To me it often seems like when I am at my most lost, when I am at my most confused. Something happens to pull me out of it. I would like to think it has much to do with the promise I made oh so many years ago now, in that tiny room, on that twin bed. (as Sash stay comes on the ipod.... Dam Ipod) The promise that I would never again make it to that point that I did that night, the darkest most evil place I have ever been. When there was only one person on the planet that could have saved me, who did save me. Through all the BS, all the tears, all the happiness. This one truth will always remain. I would not be standing here as I am now, if I had not had that hand to reach out to in my absolute darkest hour.

Yesterday I made it through the day, and was able to pass out and wake up with the attitude of "Today has to be better, it cannot even be the same, it MUST be better" I have had many fears about the thoughts and feelings that I have been having, that I am slipping back into a "we will see what happenes mentality" I had been thinking I could not let this happen, but felt guilty about everything that was wrapped up in that. About 20 minutes ago, I got the sign that I had been looking for. That my decisions to move forward, that I needed to pick myself up and make things better on my own was the correct decision, it was the way back to the "right path"

I am still very much broken, I have made considerable progress in the last few months, but in all reality there are still goals I need to reach. Things that I need to accomplish. I need to finish finding me. Being happy with who I am, before I can think about anything else.

Colection of famous quotes

I am here getting ready to go to San Fransisco, been cleaning and packing. came my collection of quotes that mean something to me, and thought I would post a couple here.





I've arrived at this outermost edge of my life by my own actions. Where "I am" is thoroughly unacceptable. Therefore, I must stop doing what I've been doing.
Alice Koller, An Unknown Woman, 1982

halfway through the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood, for I had lost the right path.
Poet Dante

Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
Andy Warhol (1928 - 1987), The Philosophy of Andy Warhol


It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
James Gordon, M.D.

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
King Whitney Jr.

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.
Lynn Hall, Where Have All the Tigers Gone?, 1989

Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.
Martha Beck, O Magazine, Growing Wings, January 2004

Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.
Bette Davis (1908 - 1989)


The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)


To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
David Viscott, How to Live with Another Person, 1974


All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, O Magazine, February 2004


Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)


There is no remedy for love but to love more.
Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862), Journal, July 25, 1839