Why do I write in these pages?

I have done quite a bit of thinking about why I right in these pages. My standard answer is I write here for me. Lately, I have lost much of my interest in writing, feeling that it caused more harm than good. Thinking that the words that I had to say meant very little, to anyone other than the other voices in my head.

I often have a very low opinion of my self. I know this. It is something that I have tried to work on lately. I feel that this is one of the things I have been failing at. Along with being a good partner, friend, and lover. I have had some pretty low points lately. In the end there are 2 choices, live with the way that things are, or make changes to make them better.

At this point, I want to continue to make changes that I think will make things better. It is taking so much more strength... more will power, it hurts, I cry, I feel like a fool, I feel like a failure. but I move on... forward... always forward... looking back when I have to, crying when I have to, picking up my foot for that next step no matter how hard it might seem, no matter how much I know that next step might change everything for the worse.

I know.... I know that in a moment, everything could change for the better, just as it could change for the worse. I hold tight to my hope, that the future holds happiness, smiles, love, and companionship.... I hope.... I will be ready