lost in my head

sometimes its not possible to see the way things will work out. sometimes things happen that take your breath away, that knock the wind out of your sails. but even at these times, there can be clarity, there can be explanations for things that didn't quite seem to make sense. Sometimes when you stop asking why is when you get your answer.

Tonight I hurt, seeing now more of the picture. Its hard to see how this could be ok again, but also knowing that its not something I have control over, I might be able to set some rough direction but I will not be able to see how this will be ok, it will just be one day. it is my job to hold myself together until it does, *irony* "to be strong" (seemed so easy before now) until enough time passes, until I have reached that higher ground.

one step at a time, one moment at a time. learn from these lessons, try to stay as open as possible. see the good in everything, remember that wonder of the world that I used to be so good at.

I wish it could be different, it can't, not right now. but I truly wish that it could he, and I am truly sorry for the decisions that I made. but all I can do is learn from those and not make the same mistakes again.