a Day unexpected

Today started out fairly stressful, I knew there was a big meeting. Somthign they call an "all-hands" alot has lead up to this meeting. A lot of changes, in orginization, in policy, things people didn't understand, rumors that were running rampant. The unfortunate thing is that after you hear 4 or 5 people say the same thing rumor or not, you start asking yourself if they might be true.

Even today the rumors became MORE out there as the meeting aproached, that there was going to be some big announcement, that we were all going to be out sourced. long story short, there was no announcement. Further, the CIO addressed all the rumors that I had heard. He also asked for questions about the change in policy and answered directly and honetsly each question, no matter how repettitive, no matter how much it was asked out of anger. There was no beating around the bush, ther was no evading. I think I have decided to send him and e-mail with my thoughts on everything. perhaps I will start composing that tonight.

Coming home, I was tired, mentally more than anything. I worked on the evap cooler on my house for a little while, got it all tuned up so that it worked much better. I used the time think think about things, time spent working on me. I feel like I ma finally making visiable progress. I came down off the roof feeling very numb. like I has spent to much energy on the day, and that I just wanted to unplug. I realize that I use that term alot, but I have found ways to actually turn off my brain and the thinking.

I decided to sit down in the office and collect the days thoughts as I listened to some music. before I fired up I-tunes, I checked e-mail and myspace (I hate that it has become a habbit) read a little, when I did finally open up I-tunes, I browsed over the music, and was drawn to a song called "Hands Held High" by linkin park. I realized that I had not heard this one, which is on the minutes to midnight CD. i turned it on and the first 3 notes told me. "this was going to be different" As I listened, I was left without words, or emotion. Now, and tears stream down my face, I can't understand why. I do know that this song spoke to me on a very intimate level. Somthing that has started to happen to me more and more espically with music.

A new part of my life, I am excited, scared, optimistic, and most of all, happy. Both with direction and progress. I wish some things could be different. But I know that I have to accept the bad with the good, the laughter with the tears. Never forget the past or where I came from. but don't let that hold me back from where I am going, from reaching for the stars and my goals.