<% Function showtwitter() On Error Resume next howmannyposts = 7 url = "http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/15436552.rss" set xmlhttp = CreateObject("MSXML2.ServerXMLHTTP") xmlhttp.open "GET", url, False xmlhttp.send "" myvar = xmlhttp.responseText myvar2 = split(myvar, "") myvar3 = split(myvar2(1), "", -1, 1) myjoin = Join(myvar3, VbCrLf) myvar3 = Split(myjoin, "tazicus:") myubound = ubound(myvar3) myuboundreal = myubound If myubound > howmannyposts Then myubound = howmannyposts counter = 1 loopcounter = 1 Do Until loopcounter = myubound myloopvar = Split(myvar3(counter), "<description>") mydatevar = Split(myvar3(counter), "<pubDate>") mydatevar1 = Split(mydatevar(1), "</pubDate>") mydate = mydatevar1(0) myloopvar1 = Split(myloopvar(1), "</description>") mymessage = Split(myloopvar1(0), "tazicus:") mymessagetemp = mymessage(1) mysplitdate = Split(mydate, " ") workingtime = mysplitdate(4) myyear=mysplitdate(3) mymonth=mysplitdate(2) myday=mysplitdate(1) If mymonth = "Jan" Then mymonth = 1 End If If mymonth = "Feb" Then mymonth = 2 End If If mymonth = "Mar" Then mymonth = 3 End If If mymonth = "Apr" Then mymonth = 4 end if If mymonth = "May" Then mymonth = 5 end if If mymonth = "Jun" Then mymonth = 6 end if If mymonth = "Jul" Then mymonth = 7 end if If mymonth = "Aug" Then mymonth = 8 end if If mymonth = "Sep" Then mymonth = 9 end if If mymonth = "Oct" Then mymonth = 10 end if If mymonth = "Nov" Then mymonth = 11 end if If mymonth = "Dec" Then mymonth = 12 end if mydate = mymonth & "/" & myday & "/" & myyear & " " & workingtime mydate = CDate(mydate) mydate = mydate - .29166666 mydiff = DateDiff("d", mydate, now()) If mydiff > .9 Then mydiff = mydiff & " days ago" Else mydiff = DateDiff("h", mydate, now()) If mydiff > .9 Then mydiff = mydiff & " Hours ago" Else mydiff = DateDiff("n", mydate, now()) If mydiff > .9 Then mydiff = mydiff & " Minutes ago" Else mydiff = DateDiff("s", mydate, now()) If mydiff > .9 Then mydiff = mydiff & " Seconds ago" End If End If End If End If mytestmessage = split(mymessage(1), "http") myubound1 = ubound(mytestmessage) if left(mytestmessage(0), 2) <> " @" then if myubound1 > 0 then myvariable = myvariable & mytestmessage(0) & " <a href=" &Chr(34) & "http"& mytestmessage(1) & Chr(34) & ">http"&mytestmessage(1) & "</a>"& "<br>" & mydiff & "<br><br>" else myvariable = myvariable & mytestmessage(0) & "<br>" & mydiff & "<br><br>" end if loopcounter = loopcounter + 1 else End if counter = counter + 1 Loop Response.Write myvariable End Function %> <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en" dir="ltr"> <head> <title>Dave, a self portrait in words: Family

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Family

Where to start.. The chinchilla that came with the youngest neice (all of 90 lbs so'ing wet) who joined the millitary to be a MP (millitary police) then got married to a guy in boot camp who was being shipped to the otherside of the country. Then got discharged when she got hurt.

Grandpa saying he was having an orgasm while eating some home made dip..

An uncle saying that he finaly made money working for another family that had screwed over every family member that had tried to help him..

Or maybe my dad buying little jars that when one put their fingers into the substance it made farting noises.

it is safe for me to say that they make me smile.. They are crazy.. But they make me smile, the best part is that I fit right in.. LOL
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

posted by Dave at 1:59 PM

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