thoughts....

laying here in the dark not knowing what to do, I find myself taking some of my own advice and putting the eletronic pen to paper. As a people we have alot of different kinds of relationships in a life time. Friends, lovers, realitives, co-workers, just common aquantances. Each of these relationships has their own set of rules that they tend to follow, nothing that may be set as formal rules, but rules none the less. you would not sleep with a realitive, and you would not invite a common aquantiance to a family gathering for example... I have said for a long time now that a relationship is defined by the people who participate in it.

Tonight I find myself thinking about what happens when a relationship moves outside the definition that they people who are participatants have given to it. Are there given consiquences? should there be? or like the relationship should it be worked out by those same people who are the participatants. This is an angle that I have not thought about until recently. I never even considered what would happen if the definition that was agreed upon by the people in it was violated. I can't even say why I never thought about it, I guess at the time it was a theory, somthing I had not tested, so I didn't have the experience to think about that angle. This is a different perspective for me. Thoughts like "for every action there is an equal and oppisite reaction" and "an eye for an eye" have crossed my mine when thinking about it. I think that the worst part is, once there is an agreement on what a relationship is and that is violated, can there still be trust? whats to say no matter how the rules for the relationship are changed, that they will be adhered to the second, third, or 37th time??

Today has been.... well it has just been.. I think that I will no longer have to work on B's Grand national, and furthermore if tonight is any indication, I will never have to speak to him again..... I really don't understand people. As much as I thought I might have, it is constently pointed out to me how clueless I really am. yet... no matter how many times I get kicked, or knocked down in life, I seem to keep standing up as if to almost say "AGAIN!".... leaves me wondering why sometimes... why do I keep trying?? I think that the best answer is in some of the things that I have written. That I truly believe that I never know what the next great thing is that might be just around the corner, that I try so very hard to remain positive about as many things as I can... no matter how hard it might be some time. Even through the times where I just want to crawl under a rock and hide... I don't... I try to stay out there, to smile, to be readdy for the next swing someone is going to take at me... To lead by example...

The more I think about it today was really backwards day, all the things I have been stressing about ended up really kinda nice today, and the things that I didn't or wasn't stressed out about all jumped up and attempted to taked a big bite out of me.

There is alot more that I have to say, this post it already to long and I need more time to sit and think anyway... I may post again about this.